When my son entered kindergarten, I received a folder that said, ‘Welcome Class of 2025.’ There may have even been a sign. I remember putting him on the bus for his first day of kindergarten, after having him pose in front of our stone retaining wall holding his ‘first day of kindergarten’ sign I had printed. Back then, 2025 seemed so, so very far away. How could my small, only 5-year-old son one day be a high school graduate? I couldn’t fathom it. When they tell you it goes by in a blink of an eye, believe them! We just rang in the new year – 2025!
So here we are, approaching the second half of my son's senior year of high school. He’s so ready. I’m sure he’s nervous and a little anxious, but overall, he is so excited for this next chapter. For him, the next chapter is a four-year college where he will enter studying business and marketing. He has had some acceptances but is waiting for all of them to come in before he makes his final decision. And then, come August, he will move out (at least for the duration of the school year).
How am I feeling about it? It totally depends upon the day (or even the hour). I am full of emotion and swelling with pride for him, while at the same time, recognizing that this is a shift. A shift in our relationship. A shift in his independence. A shift for me and my husband as we navigate a different focus from daily in-home, hands-on parenting to the freedom of being on our own.
Empty Nest. Everyone refers to this stage as the Empty Nest stage. I struggle with this term. I don’t want my nest to be empty. It seems so depressing and, frankly, empty. It leaves me feeling like we are losing something. Like all of a sudden we have nothing. Nothing to fill our time and energy. Nothing to enjoy or look forward to. Just emptiness.
No!
This is not the end. That once our kids move out we have nothing left but to wait for their visits, calls, and bide our time until we have grandchildren to snuggle and play with is not the reality I choose to embrace. There can be more. So much more! As a life coach working with both adults and high schoolers preparing for work and/or college, I am in the unique perspective and position to create a rebrand. This phase of life doesn’t have to be thought of as the end. Sure, we will miss them – I will miss my son terribly – but my life doesn’t end because he is moving on from living daily in my home. He won’t be gone forever, and my role as “mom” doesn’t disappear. It simply changes and shifts into something different.
So I have decided to refer to this stage of life as the Season of Flight. We are launching our little birds, that we have nurtured and cared for, into the world so they can soar. However, our nests remain a place of warmth and security. A home base. This is truly the day we have been working towards since they first began to crawl, then walk, then run. We aren’t meant to hold them back. We aren’t meant to be their everything – just as they are not meant to be our everything. They shouldn’t rely on us to do everything and make their decisions for them. Now, you might be thinking “they are too young to know what’s good for them.” Sure, their decision-making skills aren’t yet fully developed. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t let them try. If we have fulfilled our role as parents, they will try, succeed, fail, and pick themselves back up to try again. They will fly.
Now what about us? We are also in our Season of Flight. It is not simply an ending for us and a beginning for them as we launch our children. It is also a beginning for us! We can and should allow all the feelings of sadness that accompany this phase. We can mourn for the time our children were young and fully dependent on us. We can even be sad to see the endless schedules, carpools, breakfasts, packed lunches and rushed dinners go by the wayside. Spend some time acknowledging your feelings of sadness and loss. Even if you have been eagerly awaiting this next phase, you can be both excited for the new while grieving the old. I suggest you journal, talk to your friends (or your life coach or therapist) about your feelings. Shoving them down and ignoring them won’t help you move through and thrive.
But I challenge you to embrace this new stage and face it head on. We can discover new ways to spend our time now that we aren’t juggling and rushing to meet our child’s schedule and demands on our time. I am entering 2025 with a vision and goals that acknowledge the shift that is about to take place this year. Join me! While I can’t predict the future with any certainty, I am prepared with the mindset of flexibility and curiosity about what the year will bring. I do that by diving into some self reflection in my journal. I am also planning big things for my business. I have lots of stuff to accomplish.
One of those things I’m setting out to do is build a community of support for those in this phase of life. There are three ways to join my Season of Flight Community (while mainly moms, I will welcome dads into some levels):
The Facebook Group. This is an entry-level way to gain support from other parents who are experiencing this stage with you. I will post my thoughts, conversation starters and events. You can join here.
In person free social meetups for moms. While this limits you to the Richmond, Virginia geographical area, if you are reading this and live near me, the best place to learn about the social meetups are in the Facebook Group above.
Virtual Mom’s Circle. This group is where you can truly get support from me and from other moms experiencing this season. We will meet on Zoom twice monthly on Wednesday and Sunday evenings where I will guide us through some self-discovery exercises, as well as support discussion of your concerns and struggles. Get more information and/or sign up here.
Join me as I navigate this new phase of life. Please reach out if you have any questions or for additional support.